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May 16, 2012 / hippiechickamblings

Just Give Me a Horse and Buggy

People are always talking about how school curriculums are being “dumbed down” so more kids can pass their required tests to graduate. I’d like to know when the same thing happened for drivers’ tests. Did Walmart start selling drivers’ licenses when my back was turned? When did they change the rules of the road? Years ago, George Carlin said, “Did  you ever notice that people who drive too fast are maniacs, and people who drive too slow are idiots?” I think it’s time this observation is updated to include the category of “raging jerk-wad.”

I’ve been driving longer than the last two generations have been alive, and I’ve never been more scared to pull out of my driveway than now. It is currently more dangerous to life and limb to drive to the grocery store than to stroll into a lion’s den wearing nothing but a T-bone thong during mating season.  These days you’re more likely to get shot while in stalled traffic than you are by being caught red-handed by a jealous spouse while doing the nasty with said spouse’s significant other. What is happening out there? Roaring through red lights, lane hopping, passing on the shoulder, cutting people off when the lane is running out, tailgating, screaming obscenities at little old ladies crossing an intersection, playing Russian roulette at a 4-way stop, doing 60 through a school crossing. The sky’s the limit when it comes to ignoring rules of the road and what used to pass for common courtesy.

I once came to a stop at an intersection, nose-to-nose with an elderly gentleman and his white-haired companion. Out of courtesy, I waited for him to turn before I did. He continued to sit, head turned, chatting to his lady-friend. Still, I waited. Finally I eased forward to turn. He floored it, coming within a gnat’s hair of ramming me. I slammed on my brakes, barely avoiding a collision. He peeled rubber, swerved around me, and flipped me “the bird!” An old man! My jaw hit the floor.

What’s up with this? Are people in that much of a hurry? Can’t they just set their alarm? Is it necessary to drive with a burger in one hand and a cell phone in the other for a half-mile jaunt? Can’t you wait five more minutes for that text? Has human decency and respect gone the way of the dinosaur? Am I going to have to move to an Amish community, wear bonnets and sensible shoes just to feel safe on the road again?


Leave a Comment
  1. Wonnie / May 23 2012 8:14 am

    In case you decide to make that move to Amish country I know of a lovely community about an hour from my home, 🙂

    • hippiechickamblings / May 23 2012 2:13 pm

      Yes, that is exactly my plan…I just have to pray I don’t develop an allergy to horse hair.

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