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May 16, 2012 / hippiechickamblings

A Good Woman Ought Not Do That

My maternal grandmother was a master at self-sufficiency. Given enough raw materials, there wasn’t anything she couldn’t  grow, construct, mend, repair, preserve, sew, knit, embroider, or crochet. During one particularly dreary winter, I spent many afternoons in her company at my mom’s house, where Grandma (“Maw”) was living at the time. I learned to crochet that winter. But that wasn’t all. I discovered the meaning of life. All, while crocheting and watching General Hospital.

 

Maw:  Who you making that afghan for?

Me:  I’m making it for me. For the living room.

Maw:  Oh, them colors are beautiful. You’ve learned real fast …doing good, Honey.

Me:  Well I’ve got a good teacher.

Maw:  (Smiling) I guess I do all right for an old widow woman. I got to get up from here and put on them soup beans we’re having for supper. I know your daddy loves soup beans. And I need to add some bleach to them towels I got in the wash. I ever tell you to watch out for bleach?

Me:  No.

Maw:  It’s dangerous, and what ever you do, don’t never mix it with pneumonia. The two of them together will kill you.

Me:  I bet.

Maw:  Reckon what should we fix to go with the soup beans?

Me:  Maybe cornbread, but you remember what the doctor said about Dad’s blood pressure? Gotta cut down on the fat and salt. That means no lard in the beans.

Maw:  Who said anything about lard? I’ll just use a dab of bacon grease.

Me:  Umm. Isn’t that the same thing?

Maw:  Lord, no! Lard is hog fat. Bacon grease is different.

Me:  How is it different?

Maw:  Bacon grease don’t get hard like lard…ain’t got as much fat.

Me:  Uh-huh.

Maw:  You reckon Luke and Laura will ever get married?

Me:  Probably. Just because the guy raped her doesn’t mean they shouldn’t get married. Hey, you know this show is not real, right?

Maw:  (Chuckling) Uh, Brother, ‘course I know that! That was a shame he done that to her and raped her like that. I felt so sorry for her I couldn’t hardly stand it.

Me:  Yeah, you’d think Laura would have enough sense to stay away from him after that.

Maw:  I think she’ll marry him.  You can tell she’s in love with him. Just look at how she looks at him.

Me:  Remember, it’s all acting, Maw. Not real.

Maw:  I know that! But she needs to quit running around looking like that if she really wants him to stay away from her.

Me:  Looking like what?

Maw:  Just look at the way she dresses…them short skirts and little bitty blouses…and all that makeup with her lips all greased up. A good woman ought not dress like that…you can get in trouble that way…just look what happened to poor Laura.

Me:  So “good” women should wear long skirts, high collars, and no make-up?

Maw:  That’s exactly right!

Me:  Maw, how many women have you seen lately, dressed like that?

Maw:  Why, hardly any!

Me:  Well, doesn’t that tell you something?

Maw:   It tells me there’s a lot of bad women out there.

Me:  But that’s just crazy to put all the blame on…

Maw:  Oh,  did I tell you about Jen’s horses being so sick?

Me:  No, what’s wrong with them?

Maw:  They don’t know for sure, but whatever it is, it’s bad. Doc baker said to keep them under a canteen.

Me:  They have to get under a water bottle?

Maw:  No! They got something bad and it’s catching. Doc says not to let them out so they won’t spread the sickness.

Me:  Oh, you mean they’re under quarantine.

Maw:  That’s what I said. Canteened. Can’t let ’em out. Now, you just look at that, how them two’s kissing and carrying on.  Mark my words. They’ll wind up married.

Me:  Yeah, she better snatch him up while she can. She’ll never get anybody else, dressing like that.

Maw:  A good woman ought not do that.

2 Comments

Leave a Comment
  1. Slone / May 17 2012 10:47 am

    Great stuff. I love the way you write!

  2. hippiechickamblings / May 17 2012 11:30 am

    Thank you. My grandmother was such a strong personality, in many ways, she will never die. I figure this is one more way of keeping her alive.

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